Da dum. School supplies at the store. Da dum. Flipping the calendar to August. Da dum. Thinking of classroom themes, buying unnecessary but adorable stuff at The Teacher Store. Da dum. Going into the classroom, opening cupboards, and asking, “What is this junk and why did I think I needed it?” Da dum, da dum, da dum, da dum, ahhhhhh! Bring on the Teacher Nightmares.
I knew a retired teacher who STILL had teacher nightmares every August. In his 90s. That doesn’t make me feel happy. I have teacher nightmares all school year--about conferences, the Christmas Program, my principal observing me… But the worst ones are always in August.
My August dreams stem from this essential concern: Will it be a good school year? Thousands of questions run through my mind each night. Don’t even get me started on the night before school starts. Basically, I don’t sleep.
Over the past 20 Augusts, some dreams are a constant--I know I’m going to have them at some point. First, there’s the dream where the first day of school is moved up by a few days...and no one bothers to tell me. So, I wander in around 10:30am on the actual first day--in flip flops, old shorts, and a stained T-shirt--to find my principal in my chair and my students huddled together in the center of the room. I have yet to take down my desks and put them in groups, or move my bookshelves, or set up my classroom AT ALL. I stop in my tracks and the principal whispers through gritted teeth, “Where have you been? School started hours ago!” I have this dream repeatedly, until I get my classroom set-up. The only real variation is that, sometimes, I’m not wearing a shirt. That really adds to the mortification when I find my principal. “And where is your SHIRT?”
The second repetitive dream is the “huge, horrible class” dream. In this one, I’m teaching in some GIGANTIC space, like a pole barn, an auditorium, or in the hallway of a mall. I usually have around 200 students. I go to the front and try to get their attention--I never have a working microphone--and call their names for attendance. They’re running around, laughing, smacking each other with their backpacks, and ALL completely ignoring me. I end up standing on a table and SCREAMING at them at the top of my lungs. For the record, I have never gotten on a table to SCREAM at children. I don’t know why I dream it every single time, like that’s my go-to move. Also, I’ve always had a working microphone, and never more than 56 kids in my room at a time.
Those are my two main nightmares, but every August my anxieties like to throw in some new ones. Let’s see...
I’m ready for school, but my car doesn’t work, so I have to walk to work, and suddenly I can’t walk anymore, I have to crawl.
I’m watching a show while eating breakfast and I want to see the ending, so I don’t go to school until around 9:30. On purpose. I just think no one will notice.
I can’t find my classroom. I walk down long, dark, hallways and peek into cavelike entrances of classrooms, but none of them are mine. This is generally when I’ve had to move classrooms.
The funniest teacher nightmare wasn’t a First Day of School Nightmare, but I want to include it, because it’s hilarious. I was team teaching, and we met together with parents for conferences. We sat down across from the first set of parents and I saw my partner was wearing a very pretty, red blouse. I looked down, and I was topless. I grabbed a piece of paper, tried to cover myself up, and whispered, “Geez! You didn’t tell me we were wearing SHIRTS!”
This year, I don’t have a classroom of students; I’m a Reading Specialist. I was looking forward to no nightmares. Ha! Who was I kidding? I had my first nightmare the other night. I couldn’t find my classroom, I didn’t know what I was supposed to be doing, AND I was late. When I woke up, I thought, “Well, at least I was wearing a shirt.”
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