An Open Letter to Brach's Jellybeans From a Celiac

Dear Brach's Jellybeans,
Et tu, Brute? I can't believe you would do this to me after all we've been through together. How many times have I depended upon you to get me through Lent? Remember college, when I would put you in a mug (a JELLYBEAN mug, I may add) and munch on you when I studied? I have been loyal to you. Okay, okay, maybe I strayed a few times. Starburst Jellybeans; who can resist that? And occasionally those Smuckers ones. But I have never, NEVER gone generic on you. I have always insisted on Brach's. You have always been the jellybean for me. Even when I tried those others, I was always thinking about you.

And so how do you repay me? GLUTEN. Really, Brach's, REALLY? The other night, when we got a little crazy and I went overboard, mixing you and the Moscato. It was my fault; I admit that. But it felt so good! Until it didn't. Still, who did I blame? Me. Did I blame you and check for gluten in your ingredients? No. I just never thought you could be so cruel.

Yet now, here I am. Stuck in my bed, curled up in a ball. I have made it through the piercing stage. That was last night. Today is the chills, the dull ache in my belly, the headache, the pains in my feet and hands. You've made your point. You've ruined my weekend. I won't get any work done. I won't go out with Eric and the Littles today, grocery shopping, watering plants, checking on the cabin. I will stay here, slumped over, "sleeping it off" over ten little beans I ate yesterday at 4:00. BRACH'S beans, for Pete's sake. I can only write this because I can shove a pillow under my middle and type on the iPad.

But, truly, Brach's Jellyeans, I don't understand. I really don't. Why would you throw us away like this? Why would you stab me in the gut, LITERALLY, like all the others?

I thought we had a good thing going.